I have been away from Chicago for nearly four months.
Four months!
And, by golly, I am *so* ready to come home. Not that Paris hasn't been amazing (I'm still mulling over things that I've learned during my time abroad), but I said my goodbyes to Paris last Thursday - i.e. when my program ended and my friends started disappearing, one by one by one. Additionally, I've had these super intense cravings for Chipotle (guacamole and a margarita), sushi, good Chinese food, Korean bbq, Cedars, good coffee... and, perhaps most strongly, VEGETABLES. For the last 3 weeks, I failed to buy good, fresh produce. I'm kind of hoping that I'm not going through some sort of vitamin deficiency (like scurvy!) and will be hitting up HPP so hard when I get back.
I'm taking a nap before my friend arrives to borrow my shower. I have an incomplete thought stewing in my brain and a tired, aching body full of pre-flighty anxiety and jitters.
xoxo,
D
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Berlin is awesome!
I will never understand Parisian strikes. Granted, I haven't tried very hard to, but this is from what I understand of metro/RER strikes: the strikes last for a fixed amount of time... but it's not *really* a full-out strike - trains and things still run! Just... slower. The good news is that I've only been through two Paris transit strikes. The bad news is that the second one took place yesterday.
As in the day I had to get to the airport.
As in the day that some Parisian airlines also decided to go on strike.
Luckily, I was able to move my flight to earlier in the day (albeit, I had to sit on the runway for an hour and a half)! I just had to take a really circuitous route to get to the damn bus stop so I could get on the damn plane and sit on the damn runway for 1.5 hours.
You can imagine my relief when I popped off the plane and into transit-efficient Berlin! The buses and metros are really easy to navigate, and since almost everyone here speaks English, I don't feel as bad about being an obnoxious American tourist. I met my sister at the old Wilhelm Kaiser Church, one of the few buildings/things to survive the war. Knowing that I was absolutely starving, my sister brought me a berliner (with plum jam filling!), then took me to a stand that's well-known for their doner kebab (think gyros... except made with chicken) and Curry 36, which is well-known for their currywurst (info on both can be found here). I do want to note that the doner kebab - a delicious, hot and crusty bun filled with chicken, fried potatoes, lettuce, onions, peppers, feta cheese, eggplant, and sprinkled with lemon - cost 2.70 euro. 2.70 EURO! In Paris, that would get you, like, two croissants! Gaah.
Afterwards, we trekked over to the Reichstag dome, took a bunch of pictures, and headed over to my sister's host family's apartment. Her host parents seem like really awesome people, especially since they're letting me stay over while they are on vacation (ironically, in New York). It feels really nice to be at home. Granted, someone else's home, but I really miss the feeling of sleeping in a place that feels lived in, a place that actually has history and character. Gosh, I can't wait to set up my room again in Chicago...
Anyway, I slept so very, very soundly yesterday night, and kind of want to crawl back into bed. Instead, I have to get a move on and (1) cook lunch, (2) buy a toothbrush, and (3) get my butt over to the Technik Museum. Not to sound like an uncultured cretin, but because I've been hopping from art museum to art museum over the past 3 months (e.g. the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam; the Louvre, Musee D'Orsay, Musee Maillot, Musee Carnavalet, Pompidou, and Dali Space in Paris; the Picasso museum in Barcelona; the Dali museum in Figueres...), I'm getting a little tired of wandering around and looking at art. The Technik Museum looks so, so incredibly cool; it kind of reminds me of Sony Wonder in NYC, except way bigger and awesomer. Maybe more like the Benjamin Franklin Museum in Philly. Both Sony Wonder and the Ben Franklin Museum were two of my favorite childhood museums, so I'm pretty jazzed about what I'm about to experience!
I'm feeling rumbly in my tumbly - time to cook!
xoxo,
D
As in the day I had to get to the airport.
As in the day that some Parisian airlines also decided to go on strike.
Luckily, I was able to move my flight to earlier in the day (albeit, I had to sit on the runway for an hour and a half)! I just had to take a really circuitous route to get to the damn bus stop so I could get on the damn plane and sit on the damn runway for 1.5 hours.
You can imagine my relief when I popped off the plane and into transit-efficient Berlin! The buses and metros are really easy to navigate, and since almost everyone here speaks English, I don't feel as bad about being an obnoxious American tourist. I met my sister at the old Wilhelm Kaiser Church, one of the few buildings/things to survive the war. Knowing that I was absolutely starving, my sister brought me a berliner (with plum jam filling!), then took me to a stand that's well-known for their doner kebab (think gyros... except made with chicken) and Curry 36, which is well-known for their currywurst (info on both can be found here). I do want to note that the doner kebab - a delicious, hot and crusty bun filled with chicken, fried potatoes, lettuce, onions, peppers, feta cheese, eggplant, and sprinkled with lemon - cost 2.70 euro. 2.70 EURO! In Paris, that would get you, like, two croissants! Gaah.
Afterwards, we trekked over to the Reichstag dome, took a bunch of pictures, and headed over to my sister's host family's apartment. Her host parents seem like really awesome people, especially since they're letting me stay over while they are on vacation (ironically, in New York). It feels really nice to be at home. Granted, someone else's home, but I really miss the feeling of sleeping in a place that feels lived in, a place that actually has history and character. Gosh, I can't wait to set up my room again in Chicago...
Anyway, I slept so very, very soundly yesterday night, and kind of want to crawl back into bed. Instead, I have to get a move on and (1) cook lunch, (2) buy a toothbrush, and (3) get my butt over to the Technik Museum. Not to sound like an uncultured cretin, but because I've been hopping from art museum to art museum over the past 3 months (e.g. the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam; the Louvre, Musee D'Orsay, Musee Maillot, Musee Carnavalet, Pompidou, and Dali Space in Paris; the Picasso museum in Barcelona; the Dali museum in Figueres...), I'm getting a little tired of wandering around and looking at art. The Technik Museum looks so, so incredibly cool; it kind of reminds me of Sony Wonder in NYC, except way bigger and awesomer. Maybe more like the Benjamin Franklin Museum in Philly. Both Sony Wonder and the Ben Franklin Museum were two of my favorite childhood museums, so I'm pretty jazzed about what I'm about to experience!
I'm feeling rumbly in my tumbly - time to cook!
xoxo,
D
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hallo, Berlin & R.I.P., pants!
I am flying out to Berlin today and am DAMN excited!
Also in the news: Parisian Dryers Kill Innocent Clothes!
The horror, the terror - when will the monstrosities stop?!
I have now lost all of my white/light colored clothing to my house's washing machine (ok, this one was my fault - I stuck a really old navy blue towel into the wash. However, I thought that since the towel is older than I am, it wouldn't bleed! It sounded like a safe assumption, but I soon learned otherwise). Additionally, the dryers have absolutely killed/warped a number of my jeans and sweaters.
I mean, I guess it's not so bad, considering that I haven't really gone shopping for jeans in a few years. What saddens me, though, is that I lost my favorite pair of jeans to my house's sorry excuse for laundry. They were my feel-good jeans, my go-to jeans, my you-make-my-ass-look-more-fantastic-than-a-thousand-squats-would jeans... and I found them for $10 from a thrift store.
R.I.P., jeans, R.I.P.
xoxo,
D
Also in the news: Parisian Dryers Kill Innocent Clothes!
The horror, the terror - when will the monstrosities stop?!
I have now lost all of my white/light colored clothing to my house's washing machine (ok, this one was my fault - I stuck a really old navy blue towel into the wash. However, I thought that since the towel is older than I am, it wouldn't bleed! It sounded like a safe assumption, but I soon learned otherwise). Additionally, the dryers have absolutely killed/warped a number of my jeans and sweaters.
I mean, I guess it's not so bad, considering that I haven't really gone shopping for jeans in a few years. What saddens me, though, is that I lost my favorite pair of jeans to my house's sorry excuse for laundry. They were my feel-good jeans, my go-to jeans, my you-make-my-ass-look-more-fantastic-than-a-thousand-squats-would jeans... and I found them for $10 from a thrift store.
R.I.P., jeans, R.I.P.xoxo,
D
Sunday, March 15, 2009
So much to do, so little time!
As predicted, a solid 5 hours of sleep and way too much food later, I'm back in action! As sad as it is to see people go, I'll see them soon enough. The real problem is trying to get my BA and limited time in Paris to play nice...
Yesterday, I went exploring with Alex. The Paris suburbs are across the highway from the building we live in (U of C seriously housed us in the middle of nowhere), and we've been pretty entranced by the really intense church across the way:
As cool as it was to see the church up close, we had no idea how to get *into* the church. I mean, the doors didn't have any handles, and after walking around the perimeter (and almost into the dark and pipe-y bowels of the building), we didn't see any other means of entry. Consequently, we decided to give up and head to the Louvre:
Confession: yesterday was the first time I'd actually wandered AROUND the Louvre. I know, I know, I'm an uncultured cretin! That said, I really wasn't... as impressed with the Louvre as I thought I would be. Perhaps I just like more intimate museums, perhaps I was just spoiled by going to high school ridiculously close to the Met. Who knows? It's a beautiful space, but I just didn't feel particularly connected to it.
Yesterday evening, my friends and I ate dinner at a tiny African restaurant Alex and I found during our morning Parisian suburb adventure. The food was absolutely DELICIOUS and cheap, but because I basically embarrassed all of my friends by whipping out my camera and snapping shots of the place, I refrained from snapping shots a second time. This is what I *was* able to take pictures of:
The evening ended with one, last trip out to the Frog (& Princess this time around). What was great - and absolutely ridiculous - was the fact that the music they played was the exact same music on one of my playlists. I should be a British pub DJ!
I'm not too sure what happened to my Sunday, given that I woke up obscenely early and ended up not doing very much at all. I went to the Musée d’art et d’histoire du Judaïsme, which was one of the best-curated museums I have visited in Europe. I was hoping that I'd learn a thing or two that I could use for my BA, but the museum covered Judaism in Europe up until WWII. Also, no photos were allowed (there were tombstones and tons of menorahs inside, so I understand)... but, boy, I wish I could show you how cozy and beautiful the museum is!
I just came back from La Rhumerie, a pretty fantastic lounge/bar that serves rum-based drinks (i.e. I likey. A lot.). Aside from the fantastic (and fantastically girly) drinks, there was a jazz band playing right behind us. I was oh so tempted to join in...
Paris, I will miss you. But it's pretty baller that I have so much to look forward to in Chitown =)
xoxo,
D
Yesterday, I went exploring with Alex. The Paris suburbs are across the highway from the building we live in (U of C seriously housed us in the middle of nowhere), and we've been pretty entranced by the really intense church across the way:
As cool as it was to see the church up close, we had no idea how to get *into* the church. I mean, the doors didn't have any handles, and after walking around the perimeter (and almost into the dark and pipe-y bowels of the building), we didn't see any other means of entry. Consequently, we decided to give up and head to the Louvre:Confession: yesterday was the first time I'd actually wandered AROUND the Louvre. I know, I know, I'm an uncultured cretin! That said, I really wasn't... as impressed with the Louvre as I thought I would be. Perhaps I just like more intimate museums, perhaps I was just spoiled by going to high school ridiculously close to the Met. Who knows? It's a beautiful space, but I just didn't feel particularly connected to it.Yesterday evening, my friends and I ate dinner at a tiny African restaurant Alex and I found during our morning Parisian suburb adventure. The food was absolutely DELICIOUS and cheap, but because I basically embarrassed all of my friends by whipping out my camera and snapping shots of the place, I refrained from snapping shots a second time. This is what I *was* able to take pictures of:
The evening ended with one, last trip out to the Frog (& Princess this time around). What was great - and absolutely ridiculous - was the fact that the music they played was the exact same music on one of my playlists. I should be a British pub DJ!I'm not too sure what happened to my Sunday, given that I woke up obscenely early and ended up not doing very much at all. I went to the Musée d’art et d’histoire du Judaïsme, which was one of the best-curated museums I have visited in Europe. I was hoping that I'd learn a thing or two that I could use for my BA, but the museum covered Judaism in Europe up until WWII. Also, no photos were allowed (there were tombstones and tons of menorahs inside, so I understand)... but, boy, I wish I could show you how cozy and beautiful the museum is!
I just came back from La Rhumerie, a pretty fantastic lounge/bar that serves rum-based drinks (i.e. I likey. A lot.). Aside from the fantastic (and fantastically girly) drinks, there was a jazz band playing right behind us. I was oh so tempted to join in...
Paris, I will miss you. But it's pretty baller that I have so much to look forward to in Chitown =)
xoxo,
D
Saturday, March 14, 2009
18 pages later...
...and my BA is still pure crap.
I am writing about stasis, paralysis, memory, blood-shadows splattered thick and heavy on the wall.
I am just frustrated because I know that the bulk of what I have written up will not be used. Hours and words waiting to be laid to waste. For the past week, I have been holed up in my room, writing the most poorly-worded sonofabitch ever. EVER.
My current BA rage is indicative of a few things.
First, that I need to start writing/finding my voice again. It's been a while.
Second, that I'm starting to get antsy and existential. I find myself questioning the legitimacy of the work I do, of my major, of my life goals (or lack thereof). Yes, I am interested in how memory works, how we reconfigure events and structure narrative, how trauma plays into memory and undoes the very fabric of our existence. But what is the point of this inquiry? What is the point of saddling yourself with unbearable pain that is not even yours, hell, that is not even real? There's more to this (like the really depressing views I've been hearing all quarter about the job market in the realm of humanities/social sciences-oriented academia), but... well, I guess during moments like these, all I can do is think about "The Giver" and praise the life and importance of the empath. Something to that effect, anyway.
Third, that I am getting very, very sad about people leaving. About the fact that, after tomorrow, I will be the last one (if not the last) in my program hanging around the dorm. Really, I think that is the crux of my current emotional blah-ness (note to self: stop blogging early in the morning after a couple of beers) - I feel like everything and everyone I know is pressed up against the exit doors of my life. I'm having a Holden Caulfield moment (and you know I'm homesick when I start feeling "Catcher in the Rye." I bloody hated the book).
Things really aren't that bad - not in the slightest! There is still so much Paris to see (and I'll be updating my "Things to Do in Paris" page in a bit) and eat! I think that what I am feeling now is anxiety over re-entering real life, of making the most of my leave of absence and making sure that I don't graduate *completely* destitute... Maybe it would be best for me to make a "spring thing" to do list in the near future. Like the end of the night.
Possibly back-populated recaps of the last few days of Paris are forthcoming.
xoxo,
D
I am writing about stasis, paralysis, memory, blood-shadows splattered thick and heavy on the wall.
I am just frustrated because I know that the bulk of what I have written up will not be used. Hours and words waiting to be laid to waste. For the past week, I have been holed up in my room, writing the most poorly-worded sonofabitch ever. EVER.
My current BA rage is indicative of a few things.
First, that I need to start writing/finding my voice again. It's been a while.
Second, that I'm starting to get antsy and existential. I find myself questioning the legitimacy of the work I do, of my major, of my life goals (or lack thereof). Yes, I am interested in how memory works, how we reconfigure events and structure narrative, how trauma plays into memory and undoes the very fabric of our existence. But what is the point of this inquiry? What is the point of saddling yourself with unbearable pain that is not even yours, hell, that is not even real? There's more to this (like the really depressing views I've been hearing all quarter about the job market in the realm of humanities/social sciences-oriented academia), but... well, I guess during moments like these, all I can do is think about "The Giver" and praise the life and importance of the empath. Something to that effect, anyway.
Third, that I am getting very, very sad about people leaving. About the fact that, after tomorrow, I will be the last one (if not the last) in my program hanging around the dorm. Really, I think that is the crux of my current emotional blah-ness (note to self: stop blogging early in the morning after a couple of beers) - I feel like everything and everyone I know is pressed up against the exit doors of my life. I'm having a Holden Caulfield moment (and you know I'm homesick when I start feeling "Catcher in the Rye." I bloody hated the book).
Things really aren't that bad - not in the slightest! There is still so much Paris to see (and I'll be updating my "Things to Do in Paris" page in a bit) and eat! I think that what I am feeling now is anxiety over re-entering real life, of making the most of my leave of absence and making sure that I don't graduate *completely* destitute... Maybe it would be best for me to make a "spring thing" to do list in the near future. Like the end of the night.
Possibly back-populated recaps of the last few days of Paris are forthcoming.
xoxo,
D
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Playing hooky
Today, I am playing hooky. Partially playing hooky, anyway - my French final (that I'm still studying for) is this afternoon. Besides, I'm playing hooky to do a number of things, like:
1. Get my life in order! It's working. Kind of. I'm packing up things and books that I think a friend of a friend might need/want when she's in Paris, and emptying out my fridge. I still need to figure out if I want to take digital or, um, not-digital (does anyone know what non-digital photography is called?) photography classes at HPAC.
2. Write my B.A. I whine about this a lot, I know, but I'm still having trouble penning ideas on a page. There is something gruesome about thinking of thoughts as butterflies; I am some kind of crazed lepidopterist pinning spectral butterflies to my computer screen. I'm also being pickier this time around, so each sentence is taking forever to form.
3. Study French. Right...
4. Sleep - I *finally* got a good 7 hours! YES!
It's amazing how confidence boosts come in the strangest places. I took my cinema final yesterday, which consisted of watching thirteen 5 minute shorts (our DVD of "Visions of Europe" was scratched, so we only watched half the movie. I really, really, really want to watch the rest of it when I get back home!) and writing 3-5 pages about it. Given that I had French that afternoon, I spent 2 hours on the final... and ended up writing 4.5 pages. I suppose that means that, verbosity-wise, I am back! Hopefully, the analysis portion of my writing/thinking will return soon...
I'm also going to hope that I'll be able to fudge my way through this French final the same way I did my midterm. As in... make something completely random up for the essay portion and hope my teacher doesn't notice the amazing amount of filler material on the page.
I need more adventures this weekend. In any event, I'm headed to Berlin next week for some more quality sister-bonding time =)
xoxo,
D
1. Get my life in order! It's working. Kind of. I'm packing up things and books that I think a friend of a friend might need/want when she's in Paris, and emptying out my fridge. I still need to figure out if I want to take digital or, um, not-digital (does anyone know what non-digital photography is called?) photography classes at HPAC.
2. Write my B.A. I whine about this a lot, I know, but I'm still having trouble penning ideas on a page. There is something gruesome about thinking of thoughts as butterflies; I am some kind of crazed lepidopterist pinning spectral butterflies to my computer screen. I'm also being pickier this time around, so each sentence is taking forever to form.
3. Study French. Right...
4. Sleep - I *finally* got a good 7 hours! YES!
It's amazing how confidence boosts come in the strangest places. I took my cinema final yesterday, which consisted of watching thirteen 5 minute shorts (our DVD of "Visions of Europe" was scratched, so we only watched half the movie. I really, really, really want to watch the rest of it when I get back home!) and writing 3-5 pages about it. Given that I had French that afternoon, I spent 2 hours on the final... and ended up writing 4.5 pages. I suppose that means that, verbosity-wise, I am back! Hopefully, the analysis portion of my writing/thinking will return soon...
I'm also going to hope that I'll be able to fudge my way through this French final the same way I did my midterm. As in... make something completely random up for the essay portion and hope my teacher doesn't notice the amazing amount of filler material on the page.
I need more adventures this weekend. In any event, I'm headed to Berlin next week for some more quality sister-bonding time =)
xoxo,
D
Monday, March 9, 2009
Clusterfuck
Lately, this is what I have been feeling like:
I realized that solitude does not exist for us as long as someone we love, even though they be somewhere else well beyond our reach, is feeling alone at the same time.
- Walter Benjamin, "Moscow Diary"
I usually look at this quotation as something lovely and wistfully optimistic. Except... at the moment, I feel as if everyone I love is feeling as distant and emotionally sapped as I am. Sucker-punched. Winded.
My apologies in advance for whining (and if you don't want to hear me whine, please skip this): this was my first bad day in Paris. That said, I guess the fact that my first bad day showed up after 10 weeks of being abroad is pretty lucky, no? And, perhaps, I really shouldn't label today a "bad" day - I am just feeling completely overwhelmed by the culmination and congregation of a dozen little things. I'm feeling better now than I was earlier today... I'm just completely emotionally drained.
I think today started out on the wrong foot and everything just snowballed - I woke up to a kind of depressing email from my adviser, which basically said that the work I've done for my BA so far is less than stellar and that I really need to focus (I was expecting this email. I know that what I wrote up was pretty terrible and, quite frankly, am ashamed that I am responsible for such poor prose). I have 7 pages at the moment, but given his comments and my future edits, I think I will be down to 5 by the end of tonight. By Friday, I need to have 18 pages. Do-able, yes, but I'll need to scale back on sleep. I'm probably going to churn out a REAL outline tonight - complete with cited passages and all that - so that when I skip my screening/class tomorrow, I can actually come up with some GOOD stuff.
Then I found out, for real, that I can't stay in my dorm past the 24th. Since my flight leaves the 26th, I panicked. Rather, I got really really really annoyed and sad - two weeks ago, I talked to my residence hall receptionists about staying until the 26th, and they were totally fine with it. U of C, however, wasn't, and decided to email us today about the last day we're allowed in housing. Given that I hadn't budgeted for a few nights in a hostel (the Center said that 20-40 euro a night is cheap. I don't have an extra 20-40 euro to blow on a hostel for two nights), hadn't FOUND a hostel (Paris hostels can be really hard to book), couldn't figure out what to do with my 90 pounds of luggage (and then some), and couldn't figure out how to get to CDG airport from most of the affordable hostels in Paris (if I can't take the RER, a taxi to CDG will cost another 50 euro), I was feeling pretty miserable about life. The feeling of a well-made plan (and one made well in advance, at that) unraveling is one of the worst feelings in the world. In the end, I guess I stressed all day over nothing, because U of C decided that it was actually ok for me to stay until the 26th... but, by God, I spent all of my class time fruitlessly searching for answers to my panicked questions.
Mentally vacant, I popped over to French... and hardly understood a word of what was going on today. What a confidence boost.
Aside from academics, I spent a large chunk of today replying to lots and lots of little messages and emails. And slowly ordering my life for next quarter (unsuccessful). I still haven't caught up with everything/everyone; I am running behind on life. There were a few other bumps, hitches, and glitches littered throughout the day. I don't really want to go into them; they just made me wonder how I get myself into certain situations in the first place.
I've been slowly working away since returning from class. Although I finished my second paper, it's not that good and it took far too long for me to finish. Completing my French homework and studying for tomorrow's quiz also took up way too much time. And now I'm feeling like a literary retard - once upon a time, writing was easy and words flowed thick and sweet like honey. My writing style has suffered immensely over the course of the past few months, and I am appalled by my inability to properly express myself.
I guess I just need some reassurance. Maybe some real conversation. Maybe this is a sign that I am ready to go home.
xoxo,
D
I realized that solitude does not exist for us as long as someone we love, even though they be somewhere else well beyond our reach, is feeling alone at the same time.
- Walter Benjamin, "Moscow Diary"
I usually look at this quotation as something lovely and wistfully optimistic. Except... at the moment, I feel as if everyone I love is feeling as distant and emotionally sapped as I am. Sucker-punched. Winded.
My apologies in advance for whining (and if you don't want to hear me whine, please skip this): this was my first bad day in Paris. That said, I guess the fact that my first bad day showed up after 10 weeks of being abroad is pretty lucky, no? And, perhaps, I really shouldn't label today a "bad" day - I am just feeling completely overwhelmed by the culmination and congregation of a dozen little things. I'm feeling better now than I was earlier today... I'm just completely emotionally drained.
I think today started out on the wrong foot and everything just snowballed - I woke up to a kind of depressing email from my adviser, which basically said that the work I've done for my BA so far is less than stellar and that I really need to focus (I was expecting this email. I know that what I wrote up was pretty terrible and, quite frankly, am ashamed that I am responsible for such poor prose). I have 7 pages at the moment, but given his comments and my future edits, I think I will be down to 5 by the end of tonight. By Friday, I need to have 18 pages. Do-able, yes, but I'll need to scale back on sleep. I'm probably going to churn out a REAL outline tonight - complete with cited passages and all that - so that when I skip my screening/class tomorrow, I can actually come up with some GOOD stuff.
Then I found out, for real, that I can't stay in my dorm past the 24th. Since my flight leaves the 26th, I panicked. Rather, I got really really really annoyed and sad - two weeks ago, I talked to my residence hall receptionists about staying until the 26th, and they were totally fine with it. U of C, however, wasn't, and decided to email us today about the last day we're allowed in housing. Given that I hadn't budgeted for a few nights in a hostel (the Center said that 20-40 euro a night is cheap. I don't have an extra 20-40 euro to blow on a hostel for two nights), hadn't FOUND a hostel (Paris hostels can be really hard to book), couldn't figure out what to do with my 90 pounds of luggage (and then some), and couldn't figure out how to get to CDG airport from most of the affordable hostels in Paris (if I can't take the RER, a taxi to CDG will cost another 50 euro), I was feeling pretty miserable about life. The feeling of a well-made plan (and one made well in advance, at that) unraveling is one of the worst feelings in the world. In the end, I guess I stressed all day over nothing, because U of C decided that it was actually ok for me to stay until the 26th... but, by God, I spent all of my class time fruitlessly searching for answers to my panicked questions.
Mentally vacant, I popped over to French... and hardly understood a word of what was going on today. What a confidence boost.
Aside from academics, I spent a large chunk of today replying to lots and lots of little messages and emails. And slowly ordering my life for next quarter (unsuccessful). I still haven't caught up with everything/everyone; I am running behind on life. There were a few other bumps, hitches, and glitches littered throughout the day. I don't really want to go into them; they just made me wonder how I get myself into certain situations in the first place.
I've been slowly working away since returning from class. Although I finished my second paper, it's not that good and it took far too long for me to finish. Completing my French homework and studying for tomorrow's quiz also took up way too much time. And now I'm feeling like a literary retard - once upon a time, writing was easy and words flowed thick and sweet like honey. My writing style has suffered immensely over the course of the past few months, and I am appalled by my inability to properly express myself.
I guess I just need some reassurance. Maybe some real conversation. Maybe this is a sign that I am ready to go home.
xoxo,
D
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